Is it a love for male bonding? Is it a lack of strong male friendship? Is it something I missed out on? Is it that i love making friends? or do I simply love men.
So here are my queer credentials:
I've had sex with a guy before. It was full in, jump in, no holding back, first time for everything kind of deal. Maybe at some point in time i'll go into detail, so it could slip out of my brain, forever, not for your direct appeasement. I wasn't totally passionate about doing it with him, but there could be reasons behind this. (he was my best friend, he wanted it forever, i didn't know, i had never thought of him in bed at night before, but why hadn't I?reason i did do it is because i had the opportunity and i was in the mood, it was late...Many a journal to come) it wasn't how I had always envisioned having sex in general. (i tend to be a passionate kind of guy) yet he seemed to be the passionate kind of guy at the time, and i ended up licking his ass. first time...right...
I always jack off to guys before I go to bed. I haven't really gotten off from a girl, until I was making out with one. I can't really put it up by thinking of a girl either, mostly because I had always been disturbed with the concept of female and male sex-it scared me. This also could have something to do with my childhood concept of a woman being the most important thing ever, and i, just a rug for her to walk upon.
I also have crept into guys underwear while they're sleeping. I've done it multiple times to one of my best friends that is now a crackhead. I did it once to my cocaptain at a sleepover. I also did it once to another friend that has since moved. I touched their entire bodies, kissed them and all. It was a tad much, but I was a horny middle schooler. I'm over and done with that now, and don't miss judge me too soon.
If I could tell you all the incidents with my friends though you'd understand why I felt so led on to this orientation, but i blame them for nothing.
But before you can call me gay from all of that, I want you to know some important background that I find somewhat influential.
I've always hated my father. My parents are now divorced thankfully, and he lives in Portugal.
As I said, I was raised with this chivolrous notion that woman are meant to be treated with the outmost care and respect. Maybe it was all the Aladin. But it was more so my mother and aunt, I think. My mother always said girls were "nasty," and that I shouldn't have any girlfriends, and stuff like that...It was all those things that I would think a mother would say to her young, but influential children. I was younger (elementary school younger) and didn't have a liking for either sex at the time. Can you blame me? I guess I dressed up in girls clothes though?
I come from a VERY Catholic religious Portugeuse family. Full Blood.
i was a loner in elementary school. A nerd ahead of his time.
i also have an index finger that is longer than my ring finger on one hand. The other hand is "normal." There's been studies about gays or just homosexual tendencies and this coincidental finger ratio, but who the hell knows, I refuse to believe things like this. It could allow society to choose who can reproduce and who can't. Creating Über men.
i went to middle school. I became friends with this person in my class. He had this attraction to me that I found awkward, I wasnt used to friends. He became my best friend in middle school, we hung out almost every day for that first summer after 6th grade, and the one after 8th grade. Since.. we talk, and crack gay jokes about each other, but i barely see him. He's now the crackhead, i spoke of earlier.
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